I Know Loss . . .

I lost my first best friend when I was just shy of seven years old

He was the coolest man I'd ever known

He taught me how to play the piano

And draw my lines and numbers for hopscotch

He cooked me breakfast while we watched cartoons in the kitchen

He would whistle for me down the stairs

It was like our own secret language we shared

We walked around the longest blocks

And collected all types of cool leaves and stuff

I called my first best friend "Grandaddy" . . .

He was the first to teach me the meaning of loss

For ten years, I lived amongst it but it didn't hit quite so close to home until . . .

I lost my second best friend

I was just shy of 17, a senior in high school

And the thought of her not being there to hold my hand as I celebrated my graduation, never crossed my mind

Graduation day came but she wasn't there

My shopping partner

     My ice cream truck chaser

          My taxi cab adventure partner

My fashion idol

     And my hair inspiration

Had joined my first best friend to be with the Lord

I called her "Nana" . . . My heart shattered when you left us

My best friends became my angels ten years apart.

In 2008, I suffered a loss that wrenched my body with such chaos and confusion, I wasn't sure what to do next . . . I lost my father - the man biologically responsible for my existence but 0% responsible for my development

What do you do with a feeling of loss that is 50% rooted in "why do I even care so much?"

Trust me, I know loss . . . from every perspective

In 2010, just as I processed the idea of bearing my own seed, I gained another angel . . .

Not just any angel, but a man who counted me as one of his own

A man of everlasting encouragement and silent applause

I can't remember any major life milestone he wasn't there for . . . but as I touched my belly and wept, I knew this next milestone, he would bless

Now "we" were now learning the meaning of loss together . . . before birth.

You see, I know loss

I learned young

These lessons in loss helped to shape the woman I have become

I love hard

     To eliminate the chance of regrets

"What if" has been removed from my vocabulary

I can tell you, what is

I no longer silence my tongue, I speak what is on my mind

I wish the best for everyone, even when they are no longer in my life

I remove toxic people

     I only have room for positive vibes

I have attained a level of peace within myself that is not easily understood

I know all of my prayers will be answered in due time

I know loss, that is why I don't believe in lost time

Love hard. Live with No Regrets. Make Your Own Rules.

Promise to love those who mean the most, when it matters most . . . in life.